Posts Tagged ‘dating’

The white tulip symbolizes forgiveness.

It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality;that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable,not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God;and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before.For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.”

-1 Thessalonians 4:3-7 (NIV)

Just looking through the halls of schools, high schools particularly, you see people holding hands and snuggling up against one another while walking. On the outside of a relationship things can look just fine, if not perfect. But what you don’t see is what is going on, on the inside or peoples emotions or actions. Now some people claim to be “madly in love” or having “sentimental gush,” as Joshua Harris describes in the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye, and just plainly making out in the halls; open area; open space. The usual high school relationship doesn’t last longer than a few weeks to two months, some longer, some shorter.

What most teens don’t know or care about is their purity. When you keep your purity you save your whole self for the person you are going to marry. You don’t kiss. Or go off to a hotel, et cetera. Because each time you kiss you give that person a little part of you, unknowingly. The only reason people have sex or they want to have someone who loves them is because they are trying to fill the empty void in them – that void can only be filled by one, true person, the person who you’ll spend the rest of your life with. – As well as God.

People believe that kids (teenagers) should be allowed to date in high school, or that’s what society thinks. They are mostly wrong. I say “mostly wrong” because there are seniors, going off to college, and they’ll start looking for “that person.” But until then, you should hold off from dating. Now, I know that there are some who’ll just ignore holding off, so I’ll give you advice on how to date right; or in a way that you’ll keep your purity. The first way to date and keep your purity would be limiting yourself and your partner. Set boundaries and do not cross them. An example of a boundary line would be no kissing; limit yourself to your physical affections toward one another. The more physical you are, the harder it is to not go further. Make sure you devise a smart and well thought through plan, as well as making sure you can keep to the rules your plan’s guidelines set. To give you an idea of a plan, here’s an outline to one that I came up with:

  • No Kissing. Period.
  • Absolutely no renting a room, or anything heading down those lines.
  • Occasional hugging is OK
  • Holding hands is fine
  • When going out, always be in a group

When making a plan, or writing out your standards, check with your partner, make sure they are able to follow and respect your plan, and the same goes for you too. “The Bible tells us the pat of sin, particularly in regard to the wrong use of our sexuality, is like a highway to the grave. We shouldn’t get on it then try to stop before we arrive at the destination – God tell us to stay off that highway completely… Only by keeping our standards too high and killing sin in its infantile stage will we avoid its destruction. Set your standards too high. You will never regret it,” As Joshua Harris puts it. Now, there’s one point I want to particularly point out, and it is the last point: When going out, always be in a group. By group I mean friends, another couple, et cetra. Why? Because you’ll be more tempted to break the guidelines set. When people are alone; secluded, you’re more tempted to be more romantic, if you get what I’m saying.

In the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye, mentioned above by Joshua Harris, the author explains that “People date because they want to enjoy the emotional and even physical benefits of intimacy without the responsibility of real commitment… dating is a product of our entertainment-driven, ‘disposable-everything’ American culture,” (Harris 33). Joshua continues onto page thirty-six saying, “When we consider that our culture as a whole regards the words ‘love’ and ‘sex’ as interchangeable, we shouldn’t be surprise that many dating relationships mistake physical attraction and sexual intimacy for true love.” If people alone can keep to their purity who knows how many more will be spared from wrong chooses that can result in grief. Every person is valuable. People deserve the best of life they shouldn’t worry about their past decisions either.

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Relationship. A four-syllable word that means  (defined by Dictionary.com):

1. a connection, association, or involvement.
2. connection between persons by blood or marriage.
3. an emotional or other connection between people.
4. a sexual involvement; affair.
The most used meaning from the definition would have to be, “an emotional or other connection between people” and the second, sadly, “a sexual involvement; affair.”
I say sadly because that’s what most often do, or come close to it anyway. The modern day relationship consists of a young girl freshman highschooler, some maybe as young at 8th grade) and boy that spend a good bit of time making out, hugging, holding hands, and telling each other, “I love you.” They think it’ll last forever; they’ll never be separated. Well, I’m sorry to burst the “love bubble,” but unless you’re in college or a senior looking for someone to be your potential partner for, well, life, relationships don’t last long at all. Some maybe last as long as a few months, but usually people move on after a few months. And you know all the time you spent telling each other “I love you,” kissing, and acting crazy in love, well it was a waste of words and the meaning of the words. There’s a song by Adele, everyone I’m sure has heard of it, it’s called “Someone Like You.” Part of the chorus goes:
“Never mind, I’ll find someone like you…
Don’t forget me, I begged, I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead”
Now, Adele really was looking for that special person, but for you, you’ll just repeat this a few more times, especially the last verse, “Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.” The reaction will just be, at first: I really miss you, please come back. Remember me? Remember the times… don’t forget me. And soon it’ll just be: Him/Her? Please, I’ve moved on. Sure, it was nice, but I’ve found something better. And the process goes on to repeat, like a favorite song.
Girls, please, I know what we do when we’re upset. We listen to songs that  reflect our feelings/emotions. Sometimes we cry and vent to friends or go huddle up in bed and rethink of all the times while crying. Other times, we turn on our favorite movie of a love story and watch that, while watching our thoughts go off day dreaming about that perfect guy, just waiting for a chance to swoop in on his valiant steed and scoop  us off our feet, just like the knight in armor going and saving the damsel in distress. Am I right? Mhm.
Guys, honestly I can’t say much, being I’m not you. But what I can say is that you tend to act strong, yet you keep quiet when certain topics come up that remind you of the past that hurt, or so it seems. I’m unable to say more, but like all, ya’ll have a way of expressing and processing, whether it’s music, the T.V., or talking. Like, us you may day dream of that perfect girl, waiting for a chance to “win” her heart and prove to her you’re worthy. I’ll give you a hint right now: when you try to win a girl’s heart; her trust, she really dedicates a lot to you, she want to serve you in a way. So, do be careful, you walk on very private ground. “‘Kissing and ‘making out’ means something very precious and deep to a woman… it is our way of giving our trust, our love, our heart to the man we love. It leaves us very vulnerable,'” (Harris 93). In the book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris (of were I just referenced from) he has various sections that give excellent advice to you guys.
On the site AmericanValues.org, an author by the name of Amy Kass gives an excellent description of courtship in the sixteenth century America. See, back then, the young girl, around the age of 15-16 would be eligible for marriage, if a boy became interested a courting period happened; this was like dating, except they stayed in the comfort of the girl’s home, were her parents could keep a bit of an eye on the two. They really followed the first meaning of “relationship.”  They didn’t jump to the third of fourth. Now, as I was saying, the young man respected the girl, he listening to her. He didn’t kiss her, or touch her in a way that would make her feel comfortable. They most just started to get to know each other by talking. Now, do be aware that they are looking for someone to marry. They didn’t jump to kissing. Hugging. Et cetra. This way of “dating” was effective, it helped them discover that mate for life. Get what I’m saying? I highly suggest you read the article in the link above. It’s highly informal.
So. What happened that suddenly people are at such a stage that teenage girls who are unmarried are getting pregnant? I’ll tell you this: People lost the meaning of dating; courting. They have this void, it’s empty and they don’t know what to fill it with. There’s this little voice going: Pfft. Hey, you. Yeah you. How about a nice, steaming hot relationship to fill that empty cauldron? You think, Hey, that sounds pretty good! I’ll just go ahead and fill it with love. But that love, is just temporary. You want to know who that little voice is? It’s flesh; sin.
Colossians 3:5 (NIV) states:
“Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.”
It means put an end to those actions, those thoughts. Sure, we all think those things at some point in time, but with God’s help we can accomplish anything. And I’ll tell you this now: you can only properly fill that enormous, empty void with God’s love and the love of your rightful husband or wife.
 I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it.  I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”
-Philippians 4:10-13 (NIV)

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